Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
