I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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