sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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