There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
