just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
