Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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