you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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