Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Randomize
