She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
