I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
