i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
so let's talk penis.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
