I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
