Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
