It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Randomize
