Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize