That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I party with great urgency now.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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