it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
