mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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