It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
