If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
