considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
