It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
