Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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