I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Randomize
