so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
