I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
