we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
