This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
