ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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