my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
