I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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