You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
