I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
