good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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