I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
