we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize