the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize