girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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