hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
