I heard we made out
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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