I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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