It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
i've created a new STD.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
