Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
