i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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