i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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