I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
