Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
