she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
