He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
