The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
me + whiskey = a bad person
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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