hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You're like the curious george of whores
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
