You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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