I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
