You're so nebulous sometimes
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
