Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
