I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
