I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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