I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
