i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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