So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
