She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
