I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
