It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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