He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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