its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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