i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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