I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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