...so i touched it.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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